NEXT ON THE WHITE POWER CHOPPING BLOCK: CARLTON JEFFREY KOHNERT

White supremacist. Marine reservist. Drunk. In bannana suit. Exposes himself. Does doughnuts in parking lot. Screaming white power nonsense. Why we call them boneheads. Enjoy.

Seattle Weekly

Carlton Kohnert is living the American dream. According to his Facebook page, the Sequim native is young (21), engaged to be married and loves his life in the Marine Corps. (Listed under his favorite quotes is, “If grass hoppers had machineguns, birds wouldnt fuck with them.”)

Kohnert also allegedly enjoys a different sort of past-time: dressing up in a little kid’s banana costume and wreaking havoc.

Port Angeles police first got a call about a man in a banana suit around 6 p.m. last night. The caller was at a Wendy’s, where she said Kohnert had just exposed himself to a customer.

Next came a call from a local department store, where Kohnert and his buddy were apparently doing 360s in the parking lot in a Dodge Stratus. The final emergency call came shortly after from a local ranch, where Kohnert — still in a banana suit, mind you — allegedly got out of his car holding a shotgun and started talking some gibberish about white supremacy.

We’re not sure who delivered the rebuttal to this persuasive argument. But sources say Kohnert’s contention of intellectual superiority could have easily been disputed had anyone bothered to simply point at him and say, “I rest my case.”

Eventually, Clallam County sheriff’s deputies cornered Kohnert and his buddy and arrested the Marine for investigation of reckless endangerment, aiming or discharging a weapon and indecent exposure.

“[Kohnert] couldn’t really tell us why he was in the costume,” said one of the arresting deputies. “All we know is he was drinking earlier in the day, but he didn’t really have a reason for the costume.”

Quit digging officer, you already struck oil. Looking for logic in this case is going to leave you a very frustrated man. I think you’ve got all the answers you’re ever going to need in that “drinking earlier in the day” comment.

Of course, this story wouldn’t be complete without hearing from Kohnert’s fiancee who, according to her Facebook page, wasn’t entirely pleased with the way her sunny Tuesday at the lake turned out.

Looks like after this latest incident she’s thinking her beau-to-be is a lot less…apeeling.