CHANGE THE WORLD, OR CHANGE OURSELVES?

We all want the world to be a better place, of course we do. We all have various ideas of how to make that happen. Many of us ‘do what we can,’ but for most that has really become a catchphrase, shorthand for staying within our own comfort zone. We read about the problems a world away and give money if we can, lament it either way, but continue with our own daily routine usually unchanged. We argue politics and rant about government decisions which we largely, sadly, have minimal say in at best. But smaller situations in our own backyards often go ignored. We find it easy to care about situations which need others to take action to change, or problems that we can simply toss some money at, but when it is something which requires you to step up as an individual, well, there, we fail as a collective.

But why? Is it too overwhelming to take something on as a personal responsibility? It is certainly easier when you are part of a group with a mission, but not all problems will be taken up by groups. Yes, you have a stressful life, yes, you have a full plate. Perhaps you have money, but no time; maybe all your time is taken up trying to deal with your lack of money; possibly you are struggling with depression, or illness, or one of the other myriad aspects of life. We all have our obstacles, and we all have millions of legitimately valid excuses, but absolutely nothing will change if you focus on the big problems while doing little or nothing about the small ones around you. How can we have any hope that the world will change, when we ourselves do not? Why is acceptable, encouraged even, to refuse to challenge ourselves?

If you only lend assistance when it is easy for you, if you only help when you feel like it, then it really becomes about self-gratification rather than true caring. If you are only doing something good to pat yourself on the back or to make your resume look better, or for the prestige of saying, ‘yeah, I do xyz,’ well, at least you’re doing some good, but no, it is not good enough. Please understand, I am not judging you; I am challenging you to judge yourself. Are my words making you uncomfortable? Are you feeling guilty or sad? Then ask yourself, ‘Why would these words upset me?’ Sure, you can put it down to a feeling of being called out, put on the spot, but perhaps it is something more, perhaps you recognize that you do not consistently step outside of your routine in order to step up as an individual.

Does your neighbor need childcare help to keep a job, but you are not really a kid person? See a car stranded but find it easier to assume they have a cell phone and towing coverage? Perhaps someone elderly near you needs help with basic things, like changing light bulbs or getting to the store, but you do not want to take the time because they like to chat and you are busy, busy, busy? Or because none of these examples make good resume filler? Nothing prestigious enough in helping a struggling individual? All around us everyday are small struggles that are huge to those facing them, and we, as individuals largely ignore them. Our own lives are too busy or we are struggling with our own difficulties; we don’t really know that person or they are too conservative or they are too liberal; or, or, or. The truth is we would rather invest the time in things we are comfortable with, because that is easy.

Well, changing the world should not be a hobby, and treating it as such leads to less and less change, or more of the same change, which is really no change at all. If you want to see change, you need to treat it as a calling, not a hobby. You need to lend assistance when it is not what you want to be doing, you need to help even when is inconveniences you, upsets you, grosses you out or otherwise bothers and makes you uncomfortable. Step outside of your comfort zone; challenge yourself to do better and be better, and make a positive impact in peoples lives.

In some ways this is, well not easy, but perhaps along the lines of normal instinctive behavior for me due to my own upbringing. I was raised with daily examples of caring and lending of assistance in my mother’s behavior and actions. She used to say to her children that she was raising us to do good on this earth. She meant that we should help whenever possible in whatever way we could. Not whatever way we wanted to, but rather any way which we were capable of.

She lived her own lesson; anytime someone was stuck by the side of the road she stopped to help, whether to help fix a car or tow one out of a snow bank. When a neighbor was being beaten by an ex boyfriend, she intervened and persuaded the abuser to leave. When she saw a man about to throw himself off a pier, she literally dragged him back over the guardrail and sat and talked and listened to him until he was calm. So many times she could have turned away or called the police to deal with it, so many times she could have merely allowed it to be someone else’s problem. So many times she did not.

It was not always grand gestures, either. Often it was sitting with lonely elderly neighbors and just chatting with them; listening to them and helping them with small tasks that had become difficult. Despite our own poverty, she would cut their grass in summer and clear their snow in winter for very little money, and never pressed anyone to pay her promptly even though that was how we paid our own bills. If she knew of someone in need, she found a way to help if it was within her capabilities; she did not let anything stop her, not our own poverty, not her horrible struggle with depression, and certainly not selfishness. She never looked for accolades, she never flaunted her caring like a flag. It was just who she was, she didn’t need to brag about all those she helped. She was content to know she was not turning away when she encountered someone in need.

So when I see someone in need, when I hear of a problem, I feel my mother looking over my shoulder reminding me of what kind of person I should be, reminding me to do good, reminding me not to assume someone else will step up. Not judging me; simply encouraging me, giving me that extra push to do good. I wish we could all feel a presence such as her’s just over our shoulders. Maybe then we could really change the world, instead of merely talking about it.